GiGi vs. Smaugie
PLAY BEGINS. GROUP IS HUDDLED TOGETHER IN A FIELD AT NIGHT. GIGI BABINEAUX Artemis? ARTEMIS FOWL Yes? GIGI BABINEAUX Now what? ARTEMIS FOWL Don't look at me. Are Holly, Ian or Ender anywhere? We need help. IAN KABRA (from a distance) I'm coming!!! (runs into GiGi and they are sent toppling over one another) Oof. GIGI BABINEAUX Ow!!! IAN KABRA Sorry. GIGI BABINEAUX (rolls out from under Ian, stands up, and heaves him to his feet) There you go. IAN KABRA Sorry about that. GIGI BABINEAUX That's okay. HOLLY SHORT I'm here! ENDER WIGGIN How can I help? HERMIONE GRANGER Are you sure magic won't work here? GIGI BABINEAUX Well, maybe they just don't use magic. Let's bring magic to them! HOLLY SHORT I don't think that's such a great idea, Mud Girl. GIGI BABINEAUX Don't call me Mud Girl, Holly. HOLLY SHORT Sorry, GiGi. IAN KABRA Hey, that's a good name for you! GIGI BABINEAUX (glares at Ian) Oh really, Mud Boy? ARTEMIS FOWL There's no time for this! ENDER WIGGIN Excuse me, but I have a question. GIGI BABINEAUX Yes? ENDER WIGGIN What, exactly, are we fighting for? ARTEMIS FOWL, HOLLY SHORT, IAN KABRA, AND GIGI BABINEAUX: (looks at one another) GIGI BABINEAUX I forgot. DAN CAHILL That's just great. We come all this way and we don't even know what's wrong. AMY CAHILL Dan, be quiet! We need to figure this out. IAN KABRA Here, here! HAMILTON HOLT Let's just pound 'em to the ground! We can take them! RON WEASLEY Are you insane? They'll fry us to a crisp! We're outnumbered a hundred to one! HERMIONE GRANGER And you tell me I'M negative. JULIUS RAINES (takes out pendant) Maybe this will help? MERCEDES BABINEAUX Julius! JULIUS RAINES What? This is a game field! Nobody really dies. GIGI BABINEAUX Julius, you are a genius! ARTEMIS FOWL (under breath) I doubt it. GIGI BABINEAUX Artemis! NATALIE KABRA What is that? It looks like cheap jewelry. DAN CAHILL Not that you Kabras would be able to tell the difference between the junk and the real stuff. IAN KABRA I resent that! AMY CAHILL You resent everything. IAN KABRA I wouldn't resent a kiss. EVAN TOLLIVER Excuse me, but I think I'M her boyfriend! GIGI BABINEAUX EVERYBODY SHUT UP! JONAH WIZARD (is humming quietly) GIGI BABINEAUX (glares at Jonah) JONAH WIZARD (is quiet) GIGI BABINEAUX Thank you. Anyway. Julius has a good idea. We'll use the pendant. It's not like anybody really dies around here anyway. ARTEMIS FOWL I should know. I've died more than once. IAN KABRA I'm sorry I missed it. ARTEMIS FOWL (raises eyebrow) Oh? GIGI BABINEAUX Cut it out you guys. Julius? The pendant? JULIUS RAINES Right. (throws pendant to me)j Here you go. GIGI BABINEAUX (catches pendant) Thank you. Okay. Where's Harry? HARRY POTTER Here! GIGI BABINEAUX You wouldn't happen to have your Firebolt with you? HARRY POTTER (raises broomstick) Gotcha covered. RON WEASLEY He takes it everywhere. Ridiculous, really. HOLLY SHORT Does that think really work? You know, I could do it. I have my wings-- HARRY POTTER I've got it. What are you anyway? HOLLY SHORT I'm an elf. HARRY POTTER You don't look like one. Anyway, I've got it elf. HOLLY SHORT Captain Short to you, Mud Boy. HARRY POTTER I am NOT a muggle! HOLLY SHORT Oh really? Then where are your pointy-- ARTEMIS FOWL Holly, this is not the time to argue about this! HOLLY SHORT But-- TROUBLE KELP Holly! If you don't stop this, traffic duty for you! GIGI BABINEAUX There's really no need for that, Commander. HOLLY SHORT Oh, give me a break, Trub--Commander. TROUBLE KELP (glares at Holly) GIGI BABINEAUX Okay...eh...is Rita Sinclair in the ranks? RITA SINCLAIR I'm here. GIGI BABINEAUX (gives pendant to Harry) Please explain the mechanics of the pendant to Harry here. RITA SINCLAIR what? We're going to kill them with that? IAN KABRA You didn't hear what we've been discussing for the past few minutes? RITA SINCLAIR No. IAN KABRA AAAHHHRRRGG!!!! I'll do it then! GIGI BABINEAUX But-- IAN KABRA You don't think I know how this thing works? It's simple. (pushes Artemis out of his way) ARTEMIS FOWL (winces and glares at Ian) Excuse me. HOLLY SHORT THAT'S IT! You're going down for that one, Cobra! AMY CAHILL Where did she get that? DAN CAHILL (Smirks knowingly) AMY CAHILL Oh, Dan. IAN KABRA Ka-bra! HOLLY SHORT Cobra. ARTEMIS FOWL Holly! It's fine, he was just trying to-- HOLLY SHORT Once upon a time Artemis Fowl would have sworn revenge. ARTEMIS FOWL (restrains Holly) Once upon a time. GIGI BABINEAUX You guys are the most uncooperative bunch I have ever seen! IAN KABRA And proud of it! GIGI BABINEAUX I've had it with you, Ian Kabra! (shoots with Neutrino) HOLLY SHORT (yelps in surprise) What did you do that for? GIGI BABINEAUX What? HOLLY SHORT YOU KILLED HIM! GIGI BABINEAUX (is alarmed) WHAT? (looks at neutrino, set at full blast) Oops... RITA SINCLAIR SEE??? You can die here! IAN KABRA (revives) I'm okay. That was rather unfortunate. GIGI BABINEAUX No, that was good. Now Rita knows you can't actually die here. IAN KABRA (sarcastically) Glad to be of service. GIGI BABINEAUX Good. Now shut up before I shoot you again. ARTEMIS FOWL Alright, Mr. Potter-- HARRY POTTER Harry. ARTEMIS FOWL Ah--yes. Now, Harry-- HOLLY SHORT Forget it you guys! I'm going to do it! GIGI BABINEAUX You know, that's actually a better idea. We should let the experienced soldier do it. HARRY POTTER Are you saying I'm not experienced? I battled Lord Voldemort countless time! RON WEASLEY (whispers) Eight. HARRY POTTER (glares at Ron) Anyway-- HERMIONE GRANGER Forget it, Harry. I'm sure the Captain knows what she's doing. GIGI BABINEAUX (takes pendant from Harry and tosses to Holly) You've got this, Holly! HOLLY SHORT (catches pendant) Right. (leaps into air) Here I go! ENEMY (looks up at Holly) HOLLY SHORT (shoots pendant) Ha! ENEMY (freezes) GAH!!! SMAUGIE (freezes) NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! GIGI BABINEAUX (Walks up to frozen Smaugie) I win. Category:FanFiction